All That Was Lost by Alison May

Author:Alison May
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Legend Press

Chapter 37

Louise was back in her mum’s spare bedroom, using her mum’s ancient desktop to check her email. There was never anything interesting, but it filled time and it gave her something to do that wasn’t talking or thinking. She clicked through, deleting spam and messages telling her about all the things she might like to buy, based on things she’d bought before for Christmas or birthdays. Computer games, music, clothes – all of which screamed Kyle.

The machine pinged for a new message. Katy, Kyle’s girlfriend, who’d promised her she’d send her some memories of Kyle. Louise stopped and pushed her chair away from the computer. Kyle was in there. New stories about Kyle just a click away. She leaned forward and clicked.

The message loaded on her screen. Louise closed her eyes. Maybe she shouldn’t read it all at once. Maybe she should ration herself. That was ridiculous. Of course she was going to read it all now. Whatever Katy had to share with her, she was going to devour it, drink it in, soak in every last detail. She opened her eyes.

The message was two lines long.

Katy was sorry she hadn’t kept in touch. She hoped Louise was well. She missed Kyle, but was looking forward to starting college soon. That was all. That was everything. Louise reached for the screen, scraping her fingers across the glass as if to claw something more out of the message. Then she keeled forward onto her hands and knees on the floor. The sobbing, when it came, shook her whole body, taking her over, unlacing her from the numbness that had been keeping her safe.

‘Oh my God.’

Her mother rushed in, and hauled her onto the bed, wrapping her arms around Louise and rocking her like a baby. ‘It’s all right. It’s all right.’

The words continued over and over, drumming their way into her mind. They weren’t true. It wasn’t all right. Katy had let go. Louise’s mum had let go. Louise wasn’t going to do the same. She pulled herself out of her mother’s hold. She wasn’t going to sit here crying over her loss. Kyle wasn’t lost. Patrice could bring him back. She’d proved that already. All Louise needed to do was get to see her again. Seeing Patrice meant seeing Leo. It meant persuading Leo to persuade Patrice to talk to Kyle. That was all she had to do.

Her mother patted her on the shoulder. ‘Come on, pet. I’ll make a pot of tea. A proper pot.’

Louise shook her head.

Her mother fell silent for a second. ‘Well, what then?’

‘I don’t want anything.’

‘I want to do something.’

Louise shook her head. ‘I’ve got to go.’

She left her mother standing in the doorway, cardigan pulled around her middle. Louise knew she’d be watching as she marched off down the road.

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